Not so long ago, couple of years back about 6 yrs back, while I was serving in a ship at Mumbai this incident happened. Me Dharmender and Ashok were working at the same unit albeit in different departments. Dharmender is a class junior to me and Ashok is my classmate. It so happened that one day D went to my locker and opened it, took a calculator and left. I didnt quite need it so didnt miss it the whole day. At the end of the day D came over to me and with a QUIRKY look said, Huh! get a chance and u flick things from someone else's locker. I didnt quite understand what he said, as I looked at him in a quizzical manner he explained,"I had given my calculator to A, this morning he said he couldnt find. I had come to take some tools from ur locker and found my calculator and so I'm taking it back." I didnt know what to say, or what did he mean by that. By god that had to be my calculator as it was lying there for the past few years without being removed. I sat still, thinking of what D had thought of me. I didnt know whether to feel guilty of make him feel guilty, but in case I tried to say it was mine without any trace of his calculator around it would seem as if I was trying to be a hard nut. I waited for A to come, and then I asked him about D looking for his calculator that was misplaced by A. To this A said oh yes yaar, I forgot it in the Gyro compartment, will get it later.
After dinner when A got me the calci I took it to D and asked him to identify the calci. At first he was not ready to hear that, after a call to A on intercom the mixup got clear. D apologised, returned my calci to my locker, but the QUIRKY look that he had given me in the afternoon was still in my thoughts... for days to come I couldnt feel the camaraderie that I once enjoyed with him, until I was transferred out. After which there was no need of meeting him. It was just about a calculator and it was sorted out, but what was lost there even if for a moment was trust in me. The faith that had kept us close like brothers. A close one showing distrust is the worst blow.
The same heaviness of the HEART came back to me this time again. If a junior who was with me for 4 years could doubt me what should I expect from someone else as close or maybe closer than D! CLUELESS would be an understatement for me.
3 comments:
Nice way of presenting thoughts Suman! Beautiful use of language. I need to learn a lot from you on how to write a blog.
Coming to the point of that Deja vu feeling, I pretty much know how bad it would be for I experienced a similar scenario where my own room mates accused me of theft and even launched a police complaint against me.
Anyways I hope, whoever has doubts on you, will realize soon that they are mere doubts.
cheers
kiran
Have you realized seeing around you that, 'trust' isn't so important for people anymore? People don't think twice before doubting someone no matter how close; and its also not to be taken very seriously if someone doubts them either.
But don't worry, I am still wandering in that 'clueless world'. Somehow I feel, being trustworthy and being trustful, talks volumes of a person's character. You've said a lot, by simply saying that the whole thing mattered to you!
Haven't seen you on the blogging scene since forever dude!
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